Church...

... as it should be? What does that even mean?

Is it really about a hierarchical structure that functions with a large purpose of becoming like a perfect [at-least-mini]megachurch - showiness and great programming at the forefront to attract everyone and their 3rd cousin through their doors?

Or could church possibly be more about small groups of people coming together and interacting/growing/living alongside one another, interacting through the symbolic/real sacraments and the living Word of God?

I hesitate to draw sharp criticism to the majority of "churches" today, but I think it is worth considering. More thoughts to come later...

Ode to the YMCA parking attendant

I know not, sir, quite how much time you might have on your hands
With such an illustrious job you execute on Thursday's stands
What joy you have in granting entrance to eligible beings
What power lies in your position, fulfilling and so freeing!

I know you are quite busy, keeping faithful watch each moment
You might not have much time to read this poor attempt at sonnet
I openly admit I'm not a poet or magician
Especially when writing for illustrious personage

Forgive me then, most honored sir, when feelings took the dive
As I was pulling in last week to teach my class of five
I work quite hard, get little thanks and even smaller earnings
And now I'm pegged quite negatively as a child's help for learning?

What made you think, if I may ask, I teach for my profession?
Was it the color of my eyes, or perhaps my clothing choices?
Surely you couldn't help but notice my less-than-athlete's figure
I admit I don't run twenty miles to give me verve and vigor

But! I'm proud to be a teacher - love my students through and through
Providing them with tools to brighten home and life - who knew?!
Music, such a treasured gift to share with those around
So why, then, was I mortified from your pronouncement loud?

Quite the knowing tone of voice, the looking down your nose
As you proclaimed my fate, forever pegged as one of "those"
I couldn't help but wonder how many others you have slighted
Categorized and boxed away, because you are short-sighted

I beg you not to make this same mistake through all your days
For teachers change the lives of those whose minds they set ablaze
The spark of knowledge mixed with passion - oh, the combination
Can forever steer one's course in life - a precious education

I'm sorry if you had a horrid time in school and such
I can't pretend all educators have students' best at heart
But next time you decide a person looks to be a teacher
Your gentler realization would be much appreciated

Sincerely,

Elizabeth "The Piano Teacher"

Sukkot... even so, Lord Jesus, come!!!

The last appointment on the Leviticus 23 calendar is the Feast of Booths, a seven-day harvest celebration. This feast begins today (the Hebrew calendar follows lunar cycles so every year the festivals change - on the Julian calendar). The Hebrew name of this festival is Sukkot, a word that means "shelters, stables or huts." These temporary, tent-like structures are often translated as "tabernacles" in our English Bibles. The festival is so named because Israel was commanded to annually build such dwelling places as a reminder of the post-exodus years when they lived in huts and booths, following God in the wilderness. Sukkot is a time of joy and celebration, a time to celebrate the harvest and revel in God's goodness.

The Apostle John used a verb form of the same Greek word that is used for the Hebrew word "booth" (sukkah) when he wrote, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt [tabernacled] among us." (John 1:14)

Wow!!! God sent Christ to dwell among us... and one day we will dwell with Him eternally and perfectly. Life will be like a Feast of Sukkot every moment! I get really excited when I think about that. An eternal celebration with the Lord! Yes, Lord, Thy kingdom come!!!

Timely lyrics

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..."

"Now when I listen the melody's changed, the rain only whispers 'good-bye'..."

"Hope was still an open door once upon a dream..."

"When the tears fall, still I will sing to You..."

"I know You're my only Hope."

"The Reluctant Christian"

I saw a friend today I hadn't seen for about 4 months or so. Before that, I hadn't seen him for about 4 years or so... and before that, I'm not sure.

He looked at me during one point in our conversation... I had asked him if I could pray for him and he just said "I'm not sure I believe... that... anymore. I first started wondering after my grandpa died... I think about it every day." We talked a bit more, I re-voiced the question, and he assented. As I sat, just trying to talk with God about my friend... I asked for Truth to be revealed to him... and that he could have true peace in that Truth. I didn't go too deep in the moment, but I think God understood. Apparently so did my friend, because after I said "amen", he paused for a moment, put his hat back on and looked up at me... all he said was "well, I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight."

Reluctant Christian... they are everywhere. People with doubts and questions for God, and for various reasons they have been choosing to push their questions aside for the time being... not just their questions, but they have refused to acknowledge God as Lord. But they belong to God and He brings them to Himself - in His timing. My friend is struggling through his death questions... who knows what else. So I'm asking God in boldness and yet with child-like hope and faith that my friends' heart will be led to the knowledge of God and His offer of hope for the world through Christ. My heart aches for friends like him... I see their longing for peace, for rest... and we both know they don't have it. At the end of the day, that's why I can sleep at night, though... the gift God has somehow chosen to give me.

"God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ~Ephesians 2:8~"

I pray this gift is also a gift my friend receives... and others like him. Perhaps he is reluctant... and will only remain so for a little while longer. I hope and pray this is true!

A day of healing and blessing...

Jesus! what a Friend for sinners!
Jesus! Lover of my soul;
Friends may fail me, foes assail me,
He, my Savior, makes me whole.

Jesus! what a Strength in weakness!
Let me hide myself in Him.
Tempted, tried, and sometimes failing,
He, my Strength, my victory wins.

Jesus! what a Help in sorrow!
While the billows over me roll,
Even when my heart is breaking,
He, my Comfort, helps my soul.

Jesus! what a Guide and Keeper!
While the tempest still is high,
Storms about me, night overtakes me,
He, my Pilot, hears my cry.

Jesus! I do now adore Him,
More than all in Him I find.
He hath granted me forgiveness,
I am His, and He is mine.

Hallelujah! what a Savior!
Hallelujah! what a Friend!
Saving, helping, keeping, loving,
He is with me to the end.

Caught up...

People (particularly believers) can use a lot of lingo about "taking the easy path"... usually when speaking pseudo-sympathetically (or pseudo-judgmentally) of others' poor life choices and eventual consequences.

I started thinking tonight about how I am taking the "easy" path though. I've been dealing with a lot of my insecurities and failures... it's been a difficult summer for me in many ways. I've felt alone for a lot of it, lots of miscommunications with dear ones, and ultimately feeling like a failure in many of the things I attempted TO do. It's been very disheartening. Not many people know this. In fact, I don't believe anyone knows I have this blog so I may just be writing to myself anyhow. But it's true... I have felt more alone, more disheartened, more like a failure, and more depressed than I have probably ever felt in my life. Which is so strange... because honestly, I feel like I've spent more time with the Lord than I have in a long time also. Maybe part of that was out of desperation and feeling all these things described above. I would go to the Word and just spend time quietly (or tearfully) with Him.

About that "easy" path, though... all these feelings, situations, failures... it has been so easy for me to focus on how much of a loser I am. How much I've failed, how I'm such a terrible person, how I'm not love-able, whatever it is... and honestly, it's easier to delve into those feelings and wallow in them than remind myself that (while horrid and depraved) I am God's precious daughter. He loves me. For that reason and that alone, I am not a failure. I'm not un-love-able. I do not need to lose heart. I don't need to beat myself up.

But that can be the harder path for me. I see others so easily the way Christ sees them... but I have a hard time seeing myself as Christ sees me. But that is what I have to remember. Even though I'm still striving to be like Christ, He has taken my guilt and shame upon His shoulders... willingly and lovingly. I can love myself, not because of how amazing and perfect I am, but because somehow God chose me and loves me. I ache to be whole and I long to be in His presence, complete and no longer subject to Satan's temptings and tauntings.

He is good!!!

My heart is heavy... but I know my Lord is big enough to handle more than it all.

In other news, there's a hurricane on the way! :-/

The Bucket List

10 things I'd love to do before I die... :) I have no idea if and/or when I will accomplish any, some or all of these things. But my heart longs to longs for each of these things. Possibly, someday.

1. Become a certified massage therapist

2. Travel to Australia and Asia

3. Retain/advance my knowledge of knitting and crocheting long enough to create beautiful things

4. Become a happy and creative vegetarian

5. Marry the love of my life

6. Adopt a child

7. Create a true home atmosphere for my own family and share it with those the Lord brings to us

8. Learn to make a violin sing

9. Dance gracefully, joyfully and uninhibitedly

10. Write a song that breaks barriers and touches many hearts





I'm feeling transparent tonight... just quietly longing for something. Not quite sure what it is exactly, but it's down in there somewhere.

How did God create the entire universe, simply from the sound of His voice and the desire of His heart? How has God always existed? Such things are too great for me to comprehend...

"My heart is not proud, O LORD, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now and forevermore." ~Psalm 131~

Purity: Part I, a physical examination...

There is absolutely nothing like a completely intimate physical relationship shared by a man and a woman that have made a lifelong, public and binding commitment to one another.

Nothing could begin to compare. A physical relationship was not designed for a dating or engaged couples to "tide them over" until marriage. A physical relationship in its purest and most beautiful form was designed for marriage - between a man and woman.

Our culture, media, food industries and almost every relationship tries to tell you (directly and indirectly) anything else. Seeds of doubt are sown and reaped almost before we are old enough to realize and understand this. "Did God really say...?"

Arguments: first of all, homosexual relationships. I could argue Scripture forbading these relationships (both in OT and NT) and some would say those passages are only grammatical mistranslations from prejudices over the years. I would disagree. In addition to Scripture not allowing homosexual relationships, let's think about this: if God created a man/woman gay, would that person be able to have/produce children naturally? After all, two men or two women can't make a baby by having a completely monogamous relationship. One of my recently-turned-gay friends has multiple children from a previously happy marriage. Tell me how he was born gay, yet still able to produce children? I have friends proclaiming to be gay. But I have friends proclaiming to be alcoholics. Friends proclaiming to be chemically dependent. It breaks my heart, seriously. Nobody wants to be responsible for taking actions. Nobody wants to admit that they are a sinner. Everyone wants to have a gene that makes them more susceptible to the "sins" they've fallen prey to. Everyone wants to be labelled either as "sick" or "born that way" instead of labelled "fallen with disposition to sin rather than to live as the Lord intends".

Arguments: masturbation. No excuses here, either. Scripture doesn't blatantly discuss this issue in an isolated manner, but if love is patient and is not self-seeking.... well, a sexual relationship is designed to bring pleasure to both partners. It would seem this kind of act is selfish more than selfless. Being satisfied in and of yourself alone, when you want it, not waiting on the Lord and to share this intimate pleasure with the one whom was meant for you.

Arguments: dating/engaged couples just want to enjoy "some" physical relationship: well, I'd honestly say get out of the physical relationship if you're not ready to take that physical commitment holistically and get married. Once a sister said to me about her and her then-fiance: "we dated a long time. We wanted to serve one another, even physically, especially as the relationship slowly progressed. We knew we were getting married, eventually..." and they did get married. Some people may not see there being a problem at all. But I do. Again, if love is patient... it sounds nice to "serve" your significant other by giving them physical/sexual favors without actually going "all the way", but again, I would still say this falls short of God's intended place for a physical relationship. How beautiful if on the first night of marriage, a husband and wife would feel the physical thrills of intimacy for the first time. Not just the act of sex itself, but everything surrounding physical stimulation and intimacy.

Don't think I'm just throwing rocks with this blog. I have failed this beautiful idea. I have fallen and broken in this, as I am in every other way. My rebellion and choices have put me under my own judgment in this blog. But thank GOD His grace through Christ is enough to cover me. Not that I may keep sinning so grace abounds, but thankful for His grace for my broken heart over my faults and bad decisions. Grace and trust that I will not make these same decisions ever again.

Coming soon: Purity, Part II: emotional coverage...

title?

*Edited July 2... still in process. Got a 2nd verse but afraid it jumps too fast. Warning, brokenness can be so ugly. But Christ is still making all things new... I had to process my heart breaking for friends.

"C'mon, pretty lady", whispered clear
kept his secret through the years
Bound her to him unawares
Tender voice caressed her ears

Fingers playing through her hair
Shivers in innocence laid bare
Little princess starts to cry
Clock strikes midnight without a care
----
Now I lay me, down to sleep
Pray Thee, Lord, this body keep
(but) should he draw near once again
Keep him far from this bed

Time goes by, blurred and slow
Budding womanhood's glow
One day comes upon his face
Clear as midnight's terrors flow

Her defiant gaze is clear
Won't give in to whispered fears
Distant clocktower's bells declare
Cinderella's grown and free:
------
Now I lay me, down to sleep
Thank Thee, Lord, this body keep
Now he's drawn near once again
And kept far from this bed.

More to come.

A quote...

... from the Hebrew Talmud.

"Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved."

The Eyes of an unknown man...

This might be almost complete... it's gone through a few drafts, here's the latest.

Isaiah 58:6-7...

Sitting in the median,
Head bowed down, figure bent
He holds a sign tattered and worn
“Help” the only printed prayer

Traffic waits for the changing light
My minds wanders to his life
He glances up and now I see
Forever connecting, I’ll never escape…

His eyes… they belong to the least of these
His eyes… searching for hope
His eyes… reflecting a world in need
His eyes… are calling for you and me

Driving by like all the rest
Comfortable in selfishness
He’s just one more, he’ll find a place
He’s a lazy, no-good bum…

Who are we to weigh and judge
When we’re called to feed and clothe
Will His story e’er be whole
When we ignore Your pleading through…

His eyes… they belong to the least of these
His eyes… searching for hope
His eyes… reflecting a world in need
His eyes… are calling for you and me
His eyes…

The day will come when I must surely answer for this man
When I failed my Savior I failed to truly see into…

His eyes…
His eyes… searching for hope
His eyes…
His eyes… calling for you and me
His eyes…

Post-college...

This blog hasn't been updated in quite some time... but I'm still here!

I just graduated from college. Kind of a nice feeling. You know it's funny, people always ask the same question... "what's next for you?"And honestly, I don't have a straight-up answer about a full-time job, getting married, or some other such thing.

I'm still learning to laugh when I don't have the standard quick answer people are looking for. Why should I really know what I'm doing for the next year/s of my life? I suppose in some ways it would be nice to have concrete plans... but the beauty of my Lord is that He is in control!!! He has numbered the hairs on my head and counted my days before my life began! Even when I think I have concrete plans and they are coming to fruition, time and time again I've seen how the Lord comes in, takes hold of a situation and completely re-directs me into His will for my life. It's so cool to be able to look back and see His hand, though in the moment it can be a bit disorienting and... well, adventuresome to say the least.

Isaiah is full of reminders of God's faithfulness. Israel was constantly being reminded of the heart of the Lord for His people... through their unfaithfulness, their time in the wilderness, their time in captivity to Egypt and Assyria... good night, these people were living in times of uncertainty. Man, I think I've got uncertainties... can't even begin to compare to these guys. But always, the Lord was right there alongside of them and knew exactly what He was doing. It's so comforting to read and know that He does not change. Even Paul states we can be content in all situations because the Lord is faithful and able to give abundant strength for what we must daily face. Oh, the Bible is SO full of the testimony to God's faithfulness. There's really no words for it... but it's incredible. He's incredible.

I don't know what is coming next for me. Most of the time I'm alright with that... and the times I get nervous or uncertain, it's such a blessing to remember the Lord knows. He's got my life right in His hands. His plans are good, He is showing me to be faithful in the daily tasks He has placed in my life today. That is enough for me. I still dream and plan and desire... but the Lord will bring His plans to complete fruition in His timing. :)